Okay, this is more of a free-written type post – haven’t done one in awhile because I’d buried some of my past thoughts in the past. But I have occasion to revisit them. Also, I like to speak metaphorically, it just breathes more logic into otherwise complex topics.
What is a Family Legacy?
Tell me though, anyone, what does a family legacy mean to you? Generations of building, growing, loving… How about when that legacy is also running a family-owned business? If that business is carefully cultivated and nurtured by those before you, and they entrust it to the next generation, and then over time, the next. Suddenly, it’s you who is tasked with carrying the torch for your family. (And maybe there are several of you.) You’ll show everyone you’re capable of keeping the boat upright while ensuring everyone aboard is doing their best to do the same. You treat others with respect and guide and empower them to make the right decisions as you weather the storms together.
The inevitable challenges arise, but you keep pushing, because it’s the right thing to do, and because you’re prepared for this moment – life prepares you for all of this, right? You’re brilliant, you’ve paid attention and paid your dues, so you’re surely as capable if not more capable than those before you. (Of course, this is why many family businesses fail, right…people die, or it falls into incapable hands and/or they sell out before it becomes an utter failure on their watch.)
Surviving the Storm
But what happens when greed, sloth, envy, wrath, and all those other deadly sins start to creep in? The foundation starts to crumble, the seas begin to toss and turn your ship. But you keep going, because it’s what those before you would want you to do – they made it work, after all. But then it becomes too much for some of the crew, they see trouble ahead, ride it out as best as they can, but know when it’s time to jump ship. It’s not that they want to, but it becomes necessary for their own survival and sanity.
The Price We All Pay
So, what happens when someone has forgotten a price is being paid through all the good and bad…and that price is the loss of respect and regard for those among you. And in this case, it’s not just your family, it’s everyone else aboard that ship (psst: I’m talking about your employees and business colleagues). And your boat starts to run aground and you, the “Captain,” realize you’re in over your head but you notice everyone’s already jumped off in pursuit of their best interests as you beg for mercy. And yet, you’ve treated them like they’re all replaceable and overlooked the value and dedication they brought to your business.
You sit back and crack your whip but don’t take on the burdens along with your crew, expecting them to do it all as you enjoy a life of plenty while everyone else struggles to get by with barely enough. But that’s not your problem, is it? This is your legacy now. Your standing in society. Good job. (/sarcasm)
How do you expect anyone to hold any regard for you when you’ve destroyed any foundation of respect and trust for them? That you failed to listen and take heed of the wisdom others tried to impart in hopes of a smoother sailing?
Apparently it’s all in your best interests and you can easily dump this ship, cut your losses, and join another one…all while leaving what you had right in front of you behind. But it’s no longer just a ship, it’s your crew, and it’s not just your crew, it’s your family. It’s your legacy. It’s your history. Do they mean NOTHING to you? Did they ever mean anything to you? Do you expect them to forgive and forget? So tell me: was it worth it? And why? Was it for the clout, the prestige, to stand tall among those wealthier than you? To be more than anyone else, but, most of all, more than your family?
The Damage is Done
Who are you once the storm clears? When your family no longer carries any ounce of respect or admiration for who you were or who you could have been had you not let money go to your head. That the person who handed the reigns over to you sees what a mistake it was, even when others warned them to be mindful of the decision they were making. But someone before them entrusted them, and someone before that did the same. AND THEN IT STOPS WITH YOU. You had the potential and resources to keep things going strong and you failed. YOU FAILED. (And maybe you haven’t failed just yet, as everything still appears intact and going strong to your satisfaction, but for how long?) And you don’t even see it and by the time you wake up, we’ll all be unimportant tokens of history to you.
And we’re supposed to be family…for what? To serve yourself while you destroy your relationships and standing with the professional community? Is that a legacy worth keeping? Who even are you? How dare you.
We Were Never the Problem
And the person(s) this is about…they know who they are and what they’ve done. And some of you have certainly tried your best, and I respect your not giving up and I know it’s probably hard as hell when it doesn’t need to be – that was me once, too. I burned out and gave up trying. My thoughts and concerns were ignored or dismissed. You’d give up, too. And I am not blaming those who genuinely care and are trying; I used to, too, and believe it or not, it hurts to see it happen from a distance, to see things didn’t change.
The blame rarely lands where it should, it seems like it gets passed onto those who have everything to lose (who think they deserve it, along with the punishment of the situation) instead of those at the root of the problem who refuse to accept it. You can’t buy respect, you can’t buy a job (I mean, you can, but should you?)…everything must be rightfully earned.
No need to name names – if the shoe fits. (Although it certainly applies to a certain person currently occupying The White House, too.) You need to think long and hard about the price being paid by those who said “ENOUGH.” We all deserve better, and I would think you would feel the same in the name of a family’s legacy. Are we truly nothing to you?
Give No Fucks, Get No Fucks
Was it too difficult to adapt and accept valuable feedback and criticism that might have kept things going strong with those you should value rallying in your corner? Instead, you’ve shamelessly run people into the ground, demanding loyalty, calling people traitors when they have the nerve to walk away, and blaming everyone but yourself. You could have said “I can’t do this on my own,” or “I need time, I’m not ready…”
May reality give you a hearty bite so you can one day see that your failures and tiny little “triumphs” have put your family’s trust in ruins. Emotionally, financially, and physically. And you can’t rebuild what you’ve destroyed. People owe you nothing in return if you don’t show respect, value, and kindness toward them.
Hatchets Get Buried, But Never Lost
Some of us have moved on to what was best for us. Do you think we wanted to walk away from what was once so important to all of us? Do you know how much guilt, anger, and frustration we went through before we decided to pick ourselves up and create a better life for our own sake? No, probably not, because it’s been all about you and forgetting the value of those who once worked with and for you. Oh, but it’s not personal, of course, it’s just business. Except it isn’t just business. You paid your way in – literally bought your job. So, who’s left to bail YOU out of the mess now? Just echoes of those who long left a sinking ship behind.
And what would you say to your ancestors who want to know what went wrong – why did their hopes, dreams, and plans for you fall apart? To borrow a line from an iconic musical: Who lives, who dies, who tells your story…
I don’t anticipate seeing or speaking to some of you ever again (but who knows what life may bring). I’ve already mourned and cut my losses. It’s not worth trying to find hope in something that was lost long ago. Goodbye, and may you find yourself at peace with your decisions and enlightened in a more positive way someday.
Too Long? Didn’t Read? Too Bad. You Should.
Based on everything I’ve said today and everything I’ve said before, if you were to say “Jill doesn’t care,” you’d be wrong. Or maybe you think I’m crazy, or a liar, or whatever. Obviously I wasn’t the first or last to see and try to call out the BS for what it is and was. And I wouldn’t have said all of this if I didn’t care. I am a part of the legacy, too. We all are.