Letting Go and Moving On.

So, a major step in my future plans happened this week: I submitted my Letter of Resignation at my current job, which happens to be the family business. I am starting 2013 anew with a new venture: my own business. *GASP* Why? How can someone just walk away from their family? Well, it’s not walking away forever, it’s not disloyalty, I will still be related to many of those with whom I’ve worked for over a decade now, but it’s time. I have spent too much time setting my own interests and needs aside to please others, and I realize it’ll never be enough and only burns a person out.

How selfish of me, right? How dare I decide I want to do something else with my life. Most people seem to be supportive, while others seem quick to judge me and everything I’ve ever done, as if they knew me all that well, as if I’ve never done anything for them or contributed anything of worth to the business. At least, that’s how I see it. (Maybe I’m wrong, but this is not the place to delve into further thoughts that benefit nobody.) I suppose it’s to be expected, people don’t think you’ll walk away from something that may very well be a lifetime commitment to them. It’s not like I am unwilling to be supportive or never plan to do anything for my family’s business again; quite on the contrary. But for me, my life is meant to be so much more than it is now, and in order to move forward, I have to let go, to free myself so I can achieve everything I have set out to do from here. They will be fine without me if they’re willing to stay the course, so I hope to see things continue into the future, for everyone’s benefit.

It has taken me a long time to feel like I was ready to strike out and do my own thing. 2012 has been a big year full of exciting projects and prospects for so much more. I have recently been going through the process of establishing my own business (coming soon), doing something I’ve dabbled in for years, but feel I can take on and do so successfully full-time. All the planning, education, and people I have met along the way have helped make it possible. I have the film project I’m working on: 10,000 Angels, I have this growing graphic design operation, and lots of other creative projects waiting in the wings. It’s falling into place for me – something I have prayed for for a long time now.

For all this to happen, it became necessary to consider walking away from the job I’ve had (I know, I just said it wasn’t), which provided a place and foundation to learn skills that I can take with me, while contributing those learned skills in return. Not by any means super glamorous, but for me, I felt like I needed to at least spend some time working in the business my grandpa brought into our family. For a a long time, I couldn’t imagine that I’d ever work anywhere else, how could anyone walk away from the family business? Maybe, were he still here, Grandpa would wonder why I felt I needed to go out on my own, why can’t I stay, but I would hope he’d understand my life is very different…my soul is one of creativity, not one of numbers, figures and technical documents. For me, to create is to breathe, so while I have appreciated the time to do this learning, I know I must forge my own path from here. Before now, I never had the self-confidence or courage to realize I could chase any dream in life if I wanted to, they were only dreams for “someday,” and in the past year or so, it finally clicked in, that it was okay to want something else, to follow my heart and live without any sense of regret.

So, this has been the big hurdle, after a lot of thinking, the last thing I needed to do. It’s something I only became at peace with in the past couple of months, so it’s not like I had immediate plans to just hang things up, but to be as fully successful as I want to be, I have to give it my full commitment, all of my heart and energy. There are other things that have helped drive this process further, but mostly it’s just my wanting to control my destiny and be available to do the things that will make me happy. It won’t be easy, but I have saved a bit of money and am getting things all arranged, and from there, I must trust myself and let the gifts I have guide me to where I’m meant to be.

Where will I be a year from now? I don’t know yet, but as long as I’m following the path I’ve created with everyone who is here to support me, I should be just fine. I hope anyone else who might be contemplating their own changes in life goes ahead and gives it a shot. You won’t know if you don’t try, and if you’re not true to your heart, who is to blame for being unhappy but yourself? Don’t let people try and hold you back or judge you or try to crush your spirit. Be YOU, dream big, and while never easy, it will be worth it.

I just really needed to get that all out there. Please stick with me and check in to see how things are going in the coming months; if things continue as they have been, 2013 will be my most significant year of living yet! (Provided the Mayans don’t spoil all our fun.) 🙂

Thank you.

  6 comments for “Letting Go and Moving On.

  1. November 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    You never intended this to be a lifetime commitment, even when you were thinking that you couldn’t think of working anywhere else. You can look up in your own archives from nine years ago and read yourself saying that.

    • November 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

      I guess I’ll have to go back and read the ol’ archives – honestly, it’s been so long since I read my old LJ entries (did I write about this stuff there?), but might be worth a read to see how far I’ve come, eh? 🙂

  2. December 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    The decision you’ve made is the right one..you know very well how I feel about bullying, and that’s exactly what you faced on a daily basis from some of your relatives.There will never be a moment that you deserve to be treated the way they treated you.Some people have to tear others down in order to build themselves up. BUT this mom would like a few minutes with each of them..and I would have my ole wooden spoon in my back pocket…You GO GIRL. I love you !!!!!!!!!!mom

    • December 2, 2012 at 1:55 pm

      It’s not so much the BS that goes on (though there is that…how stupid they must think I am to not notice the blatant disrespect, especially of the boss) as wanting more from life. I have done all I can there…I want to learn and grow and do something that will make me happy, and I will never get ahead just doing the same thing I have done all these years.

      Granted there is the feeling burned out and taken for granted and not being given the opportunities to do what I do best, no matter how many times I tried to offer up skills and suggestions. I am something of an introvert, and I am very different than most of them, it’s like being the lone square peg in a sea of round ones…we are not alike, we don’t have anything in common except some blood. I don’t fit in, I don’t subscribe to lowering myself to the level of being a bully so that I will fit in. I value people more than that, and I learned to keep my mouth shut was the best I was ever going to do. They don’t respect that, they don’t respect most of the people there. They need a rude awakening to perhaps put themselves in a favorable position to take over operations, because as it is now, they are not ready and the time they could have taken to build relationships and learn the ropes has been largely spent idling and belitting others (and each other). That is not what makes success. From this point on (and after their boss leaves) it is on them to make it or break it…it’s just a shame they haven’t valued the opportunity they even have to try…there is some deep resent there that is petty and toxic for those at whom it is projected. I know it has been there long before I ever was and will probably continue after, but it’s no way to get ahead in this world. Their problem, not mine. I have had to overcome a a lot of challenges and insecurity to even reach this point, so I already feel like I’m that much better for it, even when all I could feel some days was nothing but failure, or simply never being good enough, no matter how much I’ve given of myself.

      As for me, I want better. I can and WILL do better, and grow and find success on my terms, doing what I do best, not simply what others have come to expect and think that’s all I’m capable of. I am not sorry for wanting more for myself. If people can’t accept that, perhaps they should re-evaluate their own lives. I have so many things waiting for me on the horizon, and I am going for them. If I have to distance myself from people with whom I should have a better relationship, well, I can’t do anything about them, it’s up to them to respect and appreciate what others have done for them or would do for them if they took the time to care instead of judge.

      • December 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm

        I know..they aren’t worth the worry they cause other people. You go do what God has in mind for you. He has faith in you and so do I. Never doubt you own abilities.There’s a reason you’re editing and writing with someone.It’s where you are meant to be.

        • December 2, 2012 at 11:27 pm

          Honestly, I guess I don’t need to justify my feelings or why I have made the decision I have, just simply say “this is what I’m doing, goodbye and good luck.” I am certainly willing to do my part in the way I can from here, but I realize that might not be in their plans. So be it, all I can do is offer my continued skills in another way, take it or leave it.

          I understand it’s inconvenient and the timing isn’t ideal for everyone, but for me, it’s about starting a new year with new goals and plans. For once, I need to think about what is best for me and those with whom I am going to be working. I just hope those I leave behind decide to honor those who have made their jobs possible and what would make Grandpa proud, and not let what he built up wither away because of poor decision-making and disrespect to fellow members of the family. Something to think about, at least…

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